woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
