He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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