Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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