Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
