Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i need an iv and a liver transplant
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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