just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
