youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
