I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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