I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
