Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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