Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
