She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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