I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
