I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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