you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
