I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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