Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i've created a new STD.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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