She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
