so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
