You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sarcasm needs its own font
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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