We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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