Where is the hickey?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
