There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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