If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
