i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
lets start a swedish sibling band together
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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