Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
