She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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