I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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