Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
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He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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