So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
