im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
