She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
