Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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