U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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