Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
