So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
