You're completely useless in the revolution.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
