my sisters under your porch take her home
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
