I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
