You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
