PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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