Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
