We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
