lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
