I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
