Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize