you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
