the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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