They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
