I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
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