I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
