Non-Jews are for practice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
