Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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