Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
