I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
