I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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