Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
