the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
