Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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