thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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